Colleen Ladd / Uncategorized

A Dictionary of the Modern Idiot Language (Colleen Ladd)

Flickr Creative Commons // Horia Varlan

I am a Creative Writing major. In my English Literature class, we were assigned to read Samuel Johnson’s A Dictionary of the English Language. While reading the passage in the text and simultaneously thanking God for it not being the entire dictionary, I noticed that Johnson gave the denotative definition following with a witty connotative definition.

The discussion on the assigned reading was, in fact, geared to get our attention on the multiple definitions of a word; whether it is the original definition, a definition changed over time or a definition seasoned with opinion and served with a side of extra crispy sarcasm (a fabulous language worth learning).

So, I devised a select set of common terms and/or concepts in my head during the hour and a half class and typed them out for our generation to add to the NSU library. And they go as follows:

Betch — n. [bech]

1: formerly known as ‘bitch’

2: used by girls who demand attention and not enough respect. This is crazy because betches are the hottest girls to ever walk in the bar…

GTL — n*3.  [gee- tee- el]

1: the act of gym, tan and laundry.

2: According to the Jersey-Shorians, it is a philosophy of life. And although this is an older term coined by the lovely people of Jersey Shore, it is still just as idiotic and worthy to make the cut.

Hipster — n. [ˈhip-stər]

1: a person who is generally aware of new music, fashion and other art forms

2: a person who doesn’t believe in conforming by conforming with the people who don’t believe in conforming

3: someone who is always seen with a PBR can (see PBR), mustache or jorts — which makes them awesome

MTV (Music Television) — n. [myoo-zik] [tel-uh-vizh-uhn]

1: see Reality Television

PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon) — n. [pee-bee-arr]

1: a type of beer that comes, mostly, in a can

2:  a type of beer that is drank only by the people who discovered it first (see hipster)

Pinterest — n.  [pin-ter-est]

1: a website that is a virtual pin board, allowing the user to pin things such as recipes, DIY crafts, ideas, pictures, etc. onto organized boards for the user and others to see and share

2: every girls’ procrastination tool

3: what girls’ wish they could major in

Reality Television — v. [ree-al-i-tee] [tel-uh-vizh-uhn]

1: see Music Television

2: every station on your basic cable guide

Smush — v. [smuh-sh]

1: Smashing two pumpkins together. It often makes a huge mess, covering the area in a sea of orange.

2: sexual intercourse*

*another word termed by Jersey Shore

YOLO  — v. [yoh- loh]

1.  an acronym for “You Only Live Once”

2.  a philosophy of life adopted by people who can’t speak an entire sentence and decided to change it into one oversimplified word

3. can be heard shouted right before making a huge mistake

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