Alex Biles / Uncategorized

Cheap Shots No. 6: Freedom-Loving Ritch Workman Wants to Legalize Dwarf Tossing (Alex Biles)

Poor Ritch Workman. Things just aren’t the way they used to be. Long gone is the heyday of freedom, when a determined American could actually be somebody in this country, like a Polio researcher, typewriter repairman or Daschund jockey. Or let’s just randomly say, a dwarf tosser.

Yep, you heard right. State Rep. Ritch Workman (R-FL) has introduced legislation to overturn a 22-year-old Florida statute that makes the tossing of dwarfs illegal. His patriotic justification for the measure, tentatively labeled the Leave No Tossed Dwarf Behind bill, below:

I’m on a quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people. This is an example of Big Brother government.

While Barack Obama’s attempts to revive the economy continue to crash and burn, Workman has clearly dusted the cobwebs off his Micro 101 textbook, devoting himself to devising his own job creation scheme:

All that [the law] does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get. In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?

Unfortunately there are those in our midst who would like to thwart Workman’s bold vision. At least two tiny talkers vented their frustration to The Palm Beach Post News. Robert van Etten, an actual person, notes that “The people who were thrown were alcoholics with low self-esteem. Many of them were injured. One committed suicide.” Another nonsensical small fry, David Dodge of Verona Beach, claims that “The possibility of getting paralyzed is high,” adding, “to be used as an object for people’s amusement is very degrading.”

But seriously, what would these witnesses of the ridiculous spectacle know?

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